Okay, so the game is over and I still want to rant a little bit. It's my blog and I shall do as I please, and if you don't like it, then stop reading it. (Actually don't stop reading it, my membership is secretly growing. It's like word-of-mouth, but the mouth has a rag filled with Chloroform pressed over it.) I promise that I have calmed down from my previous euphoria and can now adequately write a more appropriate entry.
I have always been superstitious. I have cheered for teams throughout my life, and when I cheer for them hard I cheer in very superstitious ways. As you may know I rooted for the Diamondbacks in 2001. I was a huge Randy Johnson fan. I wore my Diamondbacks hat around for most of the playoffs and during all of the games. It started to smell so I traded it for the away cap. No dice, they lost three in a row. And that gave birth to the smelly, superstitious sports fan.
Eight years later I am just as bad, if not worse. I root for Chelsea in the EPL, and after watching them lose a game they had no business losing (Arsenal at home) I realized that they hadn't won a single game that I had watched since March. That was a six month dry spell. I haven't watched them since. (I'm still waiting for that one to start working).
Now my worst superstitions come when I watch the Tarheels. I hate watching with other people (mostly because I like yelling at the TV), I can't do anything else while I'm watching the game or they will get jealous and not play as well, and I have to sit in one place during the first half and not move or they will think I'm abandoning them.
Before you have the nerve to call me crazy let me bring your attention to 1200 members of one of our nation's elite academic colleges. They painted their faces and jumped up and down in a pit of B.O. and ugly women. They waited in tents for months for this privilege, one even catching a very well documented case of the plague (or something like that). And their teams lost. How stupid do they have to feel.
And these are our future leaders for tomorrow.
Where was I? It gets weirder in the second half. I have four options 1) If Carolina is coasting I stay where I am and watch the game out until the white guys at the end of the bench come in, and then I usually leave 2) If Carolina is down or not playing well, I switch TV's. I will run upstairs or downstairs or to a bar or to a gym or anywhere with a TV as long as I switch where I am sitting 3) I can start drinking (this is usually not a good sign for the Tarheels) and 4) I can get on my stationary bike (if I'm not already on it).
The stationary bike is a good way to work out while you are watching college basketball. There are usually only TV time outs every four minutes so you get a nice little workout. But I wasn't on there for my workout in the second half. When I peddled harder the Heels played better. When I slowed down, they laxed. I managed to peddle my way to a 57 point second half. I peddled so hard that Tyler Hansbrough hit a desperation three with the shot clock winding down. I peddled so hard that John Shyer, who misses free throws as often I go to work, missed one. I know the Heels are good, but I would like to take credit for this win. That 14-0 run, that was me.
I think it's healthy to root for a team this hard. It gives me something to do twice a week in the winter. It lets me last until spring. I think everyone should root for some team this much.
So moral of the story: I'm spent, sweaty, smelly, superstitious and smiling all because of a bike ride in the second half that sparked my boys to a win.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
7 degrees
I hate Duke. Here are 7 degrees of my hatred.
1) Much like Tom Cruise in Valkary, if Duke played the Nazi basketball team, I would root against Duke.
2) I've been watching the Duke-Carolina ESPN Classic games all week. I only watch the ones where Carolina wins, and I'm sitting here as we speak watching a game where I know who wins and I know every detail about the game, but I'm still yelling at the TV.
3) http://www.cbssports.com/collegebasketball/story/11366542 I'm pretty sure the meningitis was my fault.
4) No matter how awful Christian Laetner, Bobby Hurley, Wojo, Trajon Langdon, Jay Williams, and pretty much every other Duke player is in the NBA or on a coaching bench, I still find the energy to hate them.
5) If the United States came up with technology to create a black hole, and wanted to make one somewhere to get rid of trash I would be willing to put it about 8 or 9 miles northeast of Chapel Hill.
6) I thought about rooting for Australia at the Olympics just so Coach K wouldn't get a medal.
7) Ask me if I would rather star for the Tarheels in the national championship game against Duke or go to my own wedding, Ask me.
1) Much like Tom Cruise in Valkary, if Duke played the Nazi basketball team, I would root against Duke.
2) I've been watching the Duke-Carolina ESPN Classic games all week. I only watch the ones where Carolina wins, and I'm sitting here as we speak watching a game where I know who wins and I know every detail about the game, but I'm still yelling at the TV.
3) http://www.cbssports.com/collegebasketball/story/11366542 I'm pretty sure the meningitis was my fault.
4) No matter how awful Christian Laetner, Bobby Hurley, Wojo, Trajon Langdon, Jay Williams, and pretty much every other Duke player is in the NBA or on a coaching bench, I still find the energy to hate them.
5) If the United States came up with technology to create a black hole, and wanted to make one somewhere to get rid of trash I would be willing to put it about 8 or 9 miles northeast of Chapel Hill.
6) I thought about rooting for Australia at the Olympics just so Coach K wouldn't get a medal.
7) Ask me if I would rather star for the Tarheels in the national championship game against Duke or go to my own wedding, Ask me.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Jurisdiction
I've been taking a lot of online courses over the last few weeks, and have subsequently been watching a lot of TV. I've been specializing in CSI:NY, NCIS, and all three Law and Orders.
(On a somewhat interesting note, one of the chapters in a course that I was taking taught how to deal with people of my generation. Apparently one of our characteristics is that we work better with technology not only at our hands, but in the background as well. That's why I can sit here, write, watch TV and take my course all at the same time.)
Anyway, here's a theoretical for you: there's a triple homicide in Time's Square. One of them is a marine, one of them is a cross dresser, and one of them is joe-shmow (personal friend of mine). They are all hacked to death with a chain saw, but the marine shows signs of being raped. They also all have blue lips and dialated pupils, which means that they might also be poisoned. Who gets to take the case?
If NCIS was set in New York they would have priority on the marine. Law and Order SVU would have precedent on the sexual assault and the cross dresser, Law and Order CI would take precedence become of the organized crime feel to the scene, CSI would want a look because of the unusual crime scene, and the original Law and Order would have a case because the murder takes place in Time's Square. All of them would want complete jurisdiction because this is obviously one crime.
Jurisdiction has always been a theme on each one of these shows. Whether it's with a different state, or a different Department of the United States Government (FBI), there are arguments on just about every show either started by the law enforcement or the perp. Sometimes the main agency wants someone else's case and sometimes someone else wants theirs.
But what if we just had one big show? What if all the big name actors got together to solve one crime. Here's how I want it to play out. By the way, since I get to make this up as I go I reserve the rights to use historical characters as well.
The opening scene is Time's Square in the middle of the night. Let's make it New Years eve with the ball dropping. We see a party and there's a lot of dancing, drinking and making out. We see all three future victims dancing with different people respectively. Then we flash forward to the next morning and each one is shown murdered. Green and Briscoe are the first ones on the scene. They talk to the detectives who are processing the scene and we see Flack come up and brief them. Detective Messer and Monroe are processing the scene. Somehow the scene ends with Briscoe saying something cheeky and clever.
I really do have to finish my class, but here's how this would play out. I feel like CSI would be the most cooperative. They would probably get the scene and figure out what kind of chainsaw it is, and that the blue lips are because they ate blue cotton candy. NCSI would somehow get to do the autopsies and find the weapon. SVU would start beating up people and find a link through a link and CI would just be creepy and intimidating. In the end CI would break the case and there would be some dramatic shootout where everyone would be shooting at the bad guys and eventually the good guys win.
I know- not the most creative writing, and fairly vague. You can write your own though. Tomorrow degrees of hatred for Duke.
(On a somewhat interesting note, one of the chapters in a course that I was taking taught how to deal with people of my generation. Apparently one of our characteristics is that we work better with technology not only at our hands, but in the background as well. That's why I can sit here, write, watch TV and take my course all at the same time.)
Anyway, here's a theoretical for you: there's a triple homicide in Time's Square. One of them is a marine, one of them is a cross dresser, and one of them is joe-shmow (personal friend of mine). They are all hacked to death with a chain saw, but the marine shows signs of being raped. They also all have blue lips and dialated pupils, which means that they might also be poisoned. Who gets to take the case?
If NCIS was set in New York they would have priority on the marine. Law and Order SVU would have precedent on the sexual assault and the cross dresser, Law and Order CI would take precedence become of the organized crime feel to the scene, CSI would want a look because of the unusual crime scene, and the original Law and Order would have a case because the murder takes place in Time's Square. All of them would want complete jurisdiction because this is obviously one crime.
Jurisdiction has always been a theme on each one of these shows. Whether it's with a different state, or a different Department of the United States Government (FBI), there are arguments on just about every show either started by the law enforcement or the perp. Sometimes the main agency wants someone else's case and sometimes someone else wants theirs.
But what if we just had one big show? What if all the big name actors got together to solve one crime. Here's how I want it to play out. By the way, since I get to make this up as I go I reserve the rights to use historical characters as well.
The opening scene is Time's Square in the middle of the night. Let's make it New Years eve with the ball dropping. We see a party and there's a lot of dancing, drinking and making out. We see all three future victims dancing with different people respectively. Then we flash forward to the next morning and each one is shown murdered. Green and Briscoe are the first ones on the scene. They talk to the detectives who are processing the scene and we see Flack come up and brief them. Detective Messer and Monroe are processing the scene. Somehow the scene ends with Briscoe saying something cheeky and clever.
I really do have to finish my class, but here's how this would play out. I feel like CSI would be the most cooperative. They would probably get the scene and figure out what kind of chainsaw it is, and that the blue lips are because they ate blue cotton candy. NCSI would somehow get to do the autopsies and find the weapon. SVU would start beating up people and find a link through a link and CI would just be creepy and intimidating. In the end CI would break the case and there would be some dramatic shootout where everyone would be shooting at the bad guys and eventually the good guys win.
I know- not the most creative writing, and fairly vague. You can write your own though. Tomorrow degrees of hatred for Duke.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Cut Backing
Before we get into this anymore than we already have let me just say that I haven't showered on shaved since this weekend.
Moving on...
So I know people are cutting back. But just how far are they taking it, and is it going too far? We are going to dip into some of my philosophies on life.
Are people cutting back on hygiene? I don't just mean showers and shaving (although increased body stench leading to global warming is a reasonable explanation in my book), I mean hair cuts, pedicures, manicures, facials, spas. Are people not as well kept as they were at this time last year?
Is there any chance that we can all get together, I'm free next Monday, and decide what we are cutting back on? I propose McDonald's, smut mags, TV channels that no one watches, bad ideas, certain food groups, mediocre movies, most trendy music, cell phones, and road construction.
There are certain things that no one will ever agree to cut back on. There will always be a booming alcohol, porn, gambling and sports industry. No matter what they tell you these will not suffer (unless Mormons take over or we come up with something better). People will always drink when they are depressed, and alcohol being a depressant, people will drink more and more. Porn will always be around, as will gambling. Porn being part of the oldest profession that has lasted through Bubonic plagues, depressions, religions and everything else. Gambling being a way out of economic depression and sports being a great aid to gamblers everywhere.
The scary thing would be if a sports franchise relocated to Las Vegas, there games would be little slices of economic turn down heaven.
There are two things that humans should never cut back on- and these are books and ham sandwiches. I'll start with ham.
If we stop eating meat, what the hell are we going to do with all the cows, chickens, pigs and anything else that you want to eat? Are we going to let them loose? Should we just let them live on their own? I have read animal farm, and I will not let that happen!
The same goes with books. We cannot keep this move to electronic everything going. Electronic documents, books, manuals- what are we going to print? We are going to let the trees take over. I have seen Lord of the Rings, we cannot empower the trees, they will come after us. Sure we might be able to breath better, but what's going to happen when they get over crowded?- They're going to spread out. And where are they going to spread to?- Your house. That's right, read 'em or live with 'em.
So with all these questions about what we can, can't, shouldn't and should cut back on someone needs to step up and become the Secretary of Cutbacking...
Since no one stood up when I wrote that I will volunteer myself. All of you are invited to the first meeting of (I haven't come up with the acronym yet, but I'm pretty sure that it will be something derogatory) Monday morning (1:30 PM) in my basement. Until then keep petitioning your representative for the CCC to come back.
Moving on...
So I know people are cutting back. But just how far are they taking it, and is it going too far? We are going to dip into some of my philosophies on life.
Are people cutting back on hygiene? I don't just mean showers and shaving (although increased body stench leading to global warming is a reasonable explanation in my book), I mean hair cuts, pedicures, manicures, facials, spas. Are people not as well kept as they were at this time last year?
Is there any chance that we can all get together, I'm free next Monday, and decide what we are cutting back on? I propose McDonald's, smut mags, TV channels that no one watches, bad ideas, certain food groups, mediocre movies, most trendy music, cell phones, and road construction.
There are certain things that no one will ever agree to cut back on. There will always be a booming alcohol, porn, gambling and sports industry. No matter what they tell you these will not suffer (unless Mormons take over or we come up with something better). People will always drink when they are depressed, and alcohol being a depressant, people will drink more and more. Porn will always be around, as will gambling. Porn being part of the oldest profession that has lasted through Bubonic plagues, depressions, religions and everything else. Gambling being a way out of economic depression and sports being a great aid to gamblers everywhere.
The scary thing would be if a sports franchise relocated to Las Vegas, there games would be little slices of economic turn down heaven.
There are two things that humans should never cut back on- and these are books and ham sandwiches. I'll start with ham.
If we stop eating meat, what the hell are we going to do with all the cows, chickens, pigs and anything else that you want to eat? Are we going to let them loose? Should we just let them live on their own? I have read animal farm, and I will not let that happen!
The same goes with books. We cannot keep this move to electronic everything going. Electronic documents, books, manuals- what are we going to print? We are going to let the trees take over. I have seen Lord of the Rings, we cannot empower the trees, they will come after us. Sure we might be able to breath better, but what's going to happen when they get over crowded?- They're going to spread out. And where are they going to spread to?- Your house. That's right, read 'em or live with 'em.
So with all these questions about what we can, can't, shouldn't and should cut back on someone needs to step up and become the Secretary of Cutbacking...
Since no one stood up when I wrote that I will volunteer myself. All of you are invited to the first meeting of (I haven't come up with the acronym yet, but I'm pretty sure that it will be something derogatory) Monday morning (1:30 PM) in my basement. Until then keep petitioning your representative for the CCC to come back.
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