I am from Upper Marlboro, Maryland- which makes me a true fan. I root for the Baltimore Orioles, the Washington Capitals, the Maryland Terrapins, and Maryland's true team- the Washington Redskins.
Before any of you begin to debate the merit's of that statement let me bring up three points 1) The Redskins have been in the area much longer than the Ravens 2) The Redskins have been playing in Maryland only one year less than the Ravens 3) Maryland is not known for its winners. Sure the Caps made it to the Stanley Cup in 97-98 and Maryland won the NCAA's in 2002, but other than that...nothing. The Raven's are far too successful to be a Maryland team. Add to that the fact that I can walk to where the Redskins play but can't even take the metro to where the Raven's do and you have yourself a deal breaker.
But on to my confession. "Dear Lord, please forgive me for I have sinned. I know that it is a sin to root for the Yankees, much like it is a sin to caste a mold of a golden cow and bow down before it. However as a die hard Orioles fan I am having trouble not rooting for the Yankees.
Red Sock fans are assholes Lord. They come into my house of worship and desecrate the place. Ever since they found some modicum of success they have acted like the baseball world revolves around them. More people worship them in my church at Camden then worship you. More people around the MLB world are discovering that they were Red Sox fans all along.
Dear Lord, I was there in 2004. I rooted for a Red Sox comeback against the evil empire. I cried the year before when Aaron Boone hit Tim Wakefield's knuckleball into spring training. I celebrated when they came back, down against all odds 0-3. I celebrated when they swept the Cardinals.
And that was my first sin. I wasn't rejoicing in the victory of good, I was celebrating the fall of evil. And that is a sin. I can't celebrate just because the bad guys lost, I have to save that celebration for when the good guys win.
My second sin became true yesterday, when Mark Teixeira joined the Yankees. They are the only hope at striking down the new evil empire. As much as I have been raised to hate the Yankees, to despise everything that they stand for, I can't help but notice that they are the only ones that can bring down the Red Sock Nation.
Yes I know that the Red Sox lost this year to the Devil Ray's, but everyone knows that was a fluke. The Ray's barely got by, and Boston wasn't at full strength. That's why the Yankees, yes that team that I grew to hate while I was growing up orange and black, need to win this year.
Because with Sabathia, Burnett and Teixeira added to a roster that has no excuse for the last couple of seasons, they can't help but win. They are younger, stronger, faster, and better. The Red Sox will have no excuse and they will have to wimper off and cry. They will eat humble pie and they will have to get out of Camden.
It is true Lord, I will have to root for the devil to beat the new devil. This year I am pulling for the Yankees. You have left me no choice Mr. Angelos, you have driven me so low that I will be rooting for the very team that I have been told to despise. I feel like I am rooting for Darth Vader to beat Hitler.
Dear God in heaven please spare me this sin. Please don't make it a decision of which evil to root for, for I root for a lesser evil to beat a lesser evil. The greatest evil is what lies in my own sanctuary: Peter Angelos.
I pray to you oh Lord, step back and let Zeus, Thor, and all the other Pagan gods you can think of throw lightening bolts down and burn Fenway to the ground. And when they are done with that, please have one of them throw one at Mr. Angelos. Strike him down true and let St. Ripken take over in his stead.
I will do all the O-R-I-O-L-E-S chants that you want, and I will attend all the six dollar student nights I can until I don't look like my student ID anymore. But please Lord, come through for me this year. Let the Yankees dethrone the Red Sox as the biggest evil, and let Mr. Angelos be tossed aside.
Amen.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Twenty Five Things
I lied. It happens.
Five Things I Love
1) The first ten seconds of being outside on a cold day
2) Meat- all kinds, doesnt matter (ironically my least favorite meat is meat loaf)
3) Mexican restaurants with real Mexicans running them
4) Grapefruit
5) Commercials that involve Terry Tate- Office Linebacker http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzToNo7A-94 and many more (don't look you'll be watching them all day)
Five Things I Hate
1) Generic Christmas music
2) Persistent homeless people
3) People that would rather be nice than efficient or intelligent
4) The Internet
5) Proper Etiquette
Ten Things I Know to Be True
1) Now that I've figured out that I don't have to care about a lot of things, life is a lot easier.
2) I fall asleep when I'm reading no matter where I am, except if I am in my bathtub.
3) One hundred years from now, when the average human is 6'5" we will look back and realize just how short 5'10" is by looking at certain things that we used everyday- i.e. door frames, cars, subway seats, beds and every other thing I don't fit in.
4) 2,000 plus years into existence and already the original idea has gone extinct.
5) While usually producing humerous results, big people were not meant to do anything that involves not having their feet firmly planted on the ground (skiing, roller blading, jumping, etc)
6) 'Restaurant', 'Carribean', 'Mediteranean', 'success', 'address', 'Cincinnati' and 'posession' are the main reasons that my computer has a spell checker.
7) Large men beating each other up is always entertaining.
8) All sporting events are better in person no matter how good your HD television is.
9) Florida, while being very, very far away, is a place I would walk to if I could retire their upon arrival. So is Mexico. So are a lot of places.
10) The number one reason to be Caucasion and speak Spanish is to get through the Chipotle line faster.
Five Things I question
1) Guacemole- I just don't see how it gets from avocado to what it is
2) Drew Carey hosting the Price is Right http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AKqFctkKMY&feature=related - I have pets that could do a better job. Who did he beat out to get the job?
3) Tom Cruise trying to kill Hitler.
4) Why are all the movies coming out either really cheesy or really depressing?
5) People that I have never seen sober.
Five Things I Love
1) The first ten seconds of being outside on a cold day
2) Meat- all kinds, doesnt matter (ironically my least favorite meat is meat loaf)
3) Mexican restaurants with real Mexicans running them
4) Grapefruit
5) Commercials that involve Terry Tate- Office Linebacker http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzToNo7A-94 and many more (don't look you'll be watching them all day)
Five Things I Hate
1) Generic Christmas music
2) Persistent homeless people
3) People that would rather be nice than efficient or intelligent
4) The Internet
5) Proper Etiquette
Ten Things I Know to Be True
1) Now that I've figured out that I don't have to care about a lot of things, life is a lot easier.
2) I fall asleep when I'm reading no matter where I am, except if I am in my bathtub.
3) One hundred years from now, when the average human is 6'5" we will look back and realize just how short 5'10" is by looking at certain things that we used everyday- i.e. door frames, cars, subway seats, beds and every other thing I don't fit in.
4) 2,000 plus years into existence and already the original idea has gone extinct.
5) While usually producing humerous results, big people were not meant to do anything that involves not having their feet firmly planted on the ground (skiing, roller blading, jumping, etc)
6) 'Restaurant', 'Carribean', 'Mediteranean', 'success', 'address', 'Cincinnati' and 'posession' are the main reasons that my computer has a spell checker.
7) Large men beating each other up is always entertaining.
8) All sporting events are better in person no matter how good your HD television is.
9) Florida, while being very, very far away, is a place I would walk to if I could retire their upon arrival. So is Mexico. So are a lot of places.
10) The number one reason to be Caucasion and speak Spanish is to get through the Chipotle line faster.
Five Things I question
1) Guacemole- I just don't see how it gets from avocado to what it is
2) Drew Carey hosting the Price is Right http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AKqFctkKMY&feature=related - I have pets that could do a better job. Who did he beat out to get the job?
3) Tom Cruise trying to kill Hitler.
4) Why are all the movies coming out either really cheesy or really depressing?
5) People that I have never seen sober.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
So it's been awhile.
I will make it up to you with a twofer.
My first is the relationship between the author and the reader. When you read a book (or watch a movie, play a game) you are allowed to explore the realm that the author has created. You are transported to a world where you can experience a joyful afternoon or evening.
That's the easy part. Next- in this realm the author doesn't clearly define everything for you, in a game there are options, in a movie there are possibilities and (my favorite) in a book there are words.
In Christianity God uses words to create the world, and that allows authors to play god unto the worlds that they create. They define the rules, they set parameters, even give the reader clues as to what they mean. People that follow God are transported into the same world that a reader of a book is. Even amongst Christians there are different sects. When the author finishes writing he sits back and watches. He wonders what people will experience when they read his book. He has no direct intervention into the world that these people experience past what he has already given them. Sure he can come out and say things, he can give readings, but people will always side with themselves before they will believe an author on his own interpretation.
Before you start arguing about that hear me out. You've read a book before- whether it was Harry Potter or The Grapes of Wrath, you have experienced a book and then seen it turned into a movie. In your head do you picture the characters that you invented when you were reading the book, or the characters that you saw in the movie? Have you ever avoided seeing a movie so that it wouldn't ruin your thoughts on the book? I know I have. I still to this day will not see The Passion of the Christ because it would ruin my picture of what I know.
I know Mel Gibson did not write the Bible, but does it really matter? I know that Steinbeck wrote the Grapes of Wrath, but he didn't create my version of it. God may have created the world, but I made my own life, I made a version of this world that is my own. You and I can read the same book and get two completely different worlds. All the author does is write words. The better authors come across the right words, the ones that take the reader to just the right spot.
But here's something to chew on- are better readers more likely to get taken to better spots? Yes I am well aware that it depends on how you define 'better reader', but I'm just writing this.
I enjoy writing because it allows me to play god. Not in the sense of a tyrannically terrible God who dominates; but as a nurturing God, one who plants seeds and lets them evolve into what they may. Can I entertain my subjects, can I provide them a happy life. One of the few selfless things I do in life is write.
I feel like I should write something Lon Solomon esk- not a sermon just a thought.
My first is the relationship between the author and the reader. When you read a book (or watch a movie, play a game) you are allowed to explore the realm that the author has created. You are transported to a world where you can experience a joyful afternoon or evening.
That's the easy part. Next- in this realm the author doesn't clearly define everything for you, in a game there are options, in a movie there are possibilities and (my favorite) in a book there are words.
In Christianity God uses words to create the world, and that allows authors to play god unto the worlds that they create. They define the rules, they set parameters, even give the reader clues as to what they mean. People that follow God are transported into the same world that a reader of a book is. Even amongst Christians there are different sects. When the author finishes writing he sits back and watches. He wonders what people will experience when they read his book. He has no direct intervention into the world that these people experience past what he has already given them. Sure he can come out and say things, he can give readings, but people will always side with themselves before they will believe an author on his own interpretation.
Before you start arguing about that hear me out. You've read a book before- whether it was Harry Potter or The Grapes of Wrath, you have experienced a book and then seen it turned into a movie. In your head do you picture the characters that you invented when you were reading the book, or the characters that you saw in the movie? Have you ever avoided seeing a movie so that it wouldn't ruin your thoughts on the book? I know I have. I still to this day will not see The Passion of the Christ because it would ruin my picture of what I know.
I know Mel Gibson did not write the Bible, but does it really matter? I know that Steinbeck wrote the Grapes of Wrath, but he didn't create my version of it. God may have created the world, but I made my own life, I made a version of this world that is my own. You and I can read the same book and get two completely different worlds. All the author does is write words. The better authors come across the right words, the ones that take the reader to just the right spot.
But here's something to chew on- are better readers more likely to get taken to better spots? Yes I am well aware that it depends on how you define 'better reader', but I'm just writing this.
I enjoy writing because it allows me to play god. Not in the sense of a tyrannically terrible God who dominates; but as a nurturing God, one who plants seeds and lets them evolve into what they may. Can I entertain my subjects, can I provide them a happy life. One of the few selfless things I do in life is write.
I feel like I should write something Lon Solomon esk- not a sermon just a thought.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
My first foray into politics.
By popular demand...
I don't talk about politics. Lest you be warned. My beliefs are either boring and grey or designed to piss off other people. For example my belief on a woman's right to choose: I don't like abortion, I think it's wrong. I don't think the government has any right to enforce my belief on anyone else though or anyone else's belief on me. I was a Political Science major for the theory not the reality. I also think that Political Science is as much of a science as alchemy. It seems to be constantly changing, and we only learn what not to do from our failures. We might be getting closer to the gold, but we're still pretty far from it. Here's another shocker for you- I'm a Utopian.
Much of my political belief is not based on reality, or facts. You might say that makes me uninformed- but at least I'm not biased at all. I think the cold war is going to start again, and this time the Commies may win. They control a lot of the energy in the world- Venezuela and Russia, and they have few morals- killing journalists pops into mind. And tell me what Putin did by becoming Prime Minister wasn't the Democratic version of a coup or even a purge.
But anyway, now that I have prepared you, I think that relationship between the Democrats and the Republicans is beginning to strangely mirror the relationship between the Dark and Light sides of the Force.
Think about it. It's not perfect, but the beginnings of this are here.
The Dem's start out, nice and in control. Then doubt seeps in. Their leaders are shown to have faults and the majority of the universe begins to doubt their ability to govern. Through some means (further trickery in the one case, semen on a dress in the other) the Dark Side gained full control. While the Dark Side didn't turn a young Dem who had promise to restore order to the Force, there was an Obi Wan. He strays from the counsels lead and the next thing you know all the Jedi are in hiding and the Sith rule the world.
All Obi had to do was listen to his masters, follow the plan and the Light Side would have stayed in power forever. All Al Gore had to do was follow in the footsteps of his master and the Dems would still be in power, but nooooo. There's no drama in the status quo. Obi wanted to be the hero, to make a good thing better. We all know that Al wanted to save the world.
Both would go on to redeem themselves, but in both cases it was too little too late for both of them. Obi would die to inspire(?) Luke, Al would get his Nobel prize which shifted a little focus back to the left.
Back to the end of Episode Three. With out a whole lot of detail the Sith Lord took our all of the counsel. Somehow without a lot of explanation the world became Republic again. I couldn't explain it to you. I have some guesses as to how it happened (he killed them all), but somehow the majority of the people in the universe turned to the Dark Side.
But here comes a New Hope. Barrack Obama has emerged from no where to bring the light side a possibility at recapturing power in the universe. The light side had already gained support (a rebellion, a congress). Barrack has destroyed the Death Star (gotten elected), channeled Yoda (Bill, the old leader) and rescued the princess (Hillary).
Now with Han Solo and Joe Biden at his side, the Rebellion has recaptured the hearts of the Universe.
But what happens next? Does the Rebellion continue? Will there be another Death Star, a battle on a frozen planet? Is George W really Barrack's father? Is there some way that Michael Moore could possibly end up being Jabba? When does the wookie make an appearence? And most importantly, will Han get the girl? Stick around because I am sure that the Empire will Strike Back.
I don't talk about politics. Lest you be warned. My beliefs are either boring and grey or designed to piss off other people. For example my belief on a woman's right to choose: I don't like abortion, I think it's wrong. I don't think the government has any right to enforce my belief on anyone else though or anyone else's belief on me. I was a Political Science major for the theory not the reality. I also think that Political Science is as much of a science as alchemy. It seems to be constantly changing, and we only learn what not to do from our failures. We might be getting closer to the gold, but we're still pretty far from it. Here's another shocker for you- I'm a Utopian.
Much of my political belief is not based on reality, or facts. You might say that makes me uninformed- but at least I'm not biased at all. I think the cold war is going to start again, and this time the Commies may win. They control a lot of the energy in the world- Venezuela and Russia, and they have few morals- killing journalists pops into mind. And tell me what Putin did by becoming Prime Minister wasn't the Democratic version of a coup or even a purge.
But anyway, now that I have prepared you, I think that relationship between the Democrats and the Republicans is beginning to strangely mirror the relationship between the Dark and Light sides of the Force.
Think about it. It's not perfect, but the beginnings of this are here.
The Dem's start out, nice and in control. Then doubt seeps in. Their leaders are shown to have faults and the majority of the universe begins to doubt their ability to govern. Through some means (further trickery in the one case, semen on a dress in the other) the Dark Side gained full control. While the Dark Side didn't turn a young Dem who had promise to restore order to the Force, there was an Obi Wan. He strays from the counsels lead and the next thing you know all the Jedi are in hiding and the Sith rule the world.
All Obi had to do was listen to his masters, follow the plan and the Light Side would have stayed in power forever. All Al Gore had to do was follow in the footsteps of his master and the Dems would still be in power, but nooooo. There's no drama in the status quo. Obi wanted to be the hero, to make a good thing better. We all know that Al wanted to save the world.
Both would go on to redeem themselves, but in both cases it was too little too late for both of them. Obi would die to inspire(?) Luke, Al would get his Nobel prize which shifted a little focus back to the left.
But the Sith were too powerful to be overtaken by these small gestures alone. They had their powerful set of two leaders- the master and the apprentice. (If I have to spell that out for you, you might have to stop reading. I'm sorry for waisting your time.)
Back to the end of Episode Three. With out a whole lot of detail the Sith Lord took our all of the counsel. Somehow without a lot of explanation the world became Republic again. I couldn't explain it to you. I have some guesses as to how it happened (he killed them all), but somehow the majority of the people in the universe turned to the Dark Side.
But here comes a New Hope. Barrack Obama has emerged from no where to bring the light side a possibility at recapturing power in the universe. The light side had already gained support (a rebellion, a congress). Barrack has destroyed the Death Star (gotten elected), channeled Yoda (Bill, the old leader) and rescued the princess (Hillary).
Now with Han Solo and Joe Biden at his side, the Rebellion has recaptured the hearts of the Universe.
But what happens next? Does the Rebellion continue? Will there be another Death Star, a battle on a frozen planet? Is George W really Barrack's father? Is there some way that Michael Moore could possibly end up being Jabba? When does the wookie make an appearence? And most importantly, will Han get the girl? Stick around because I am sure that the Empire will Strike Back.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Inventions
After viewing the world in the last week or so I have decided to go into my laboratory (pronounced with five overly drawn out syllables) and create inventions that will help out mankind.
1) A birth control vaccine that will not allow reproduction until the adult is prepared to have a baby. The vaccine will be given at birth and will last for the rest of the adults life. It will become dormant when the adult is able to and wants to have a child, and then will become active again when the adult is not in a role to have more children. It will be administered to both men and women.
The vaccine will judge the worthiness of the adult based on a number of factors: age, income, IQ, attractiveness, maturity and downright worthiness. This pill will be Darwin at his finest. No teenage girl will ever have to remember to take a pill again, no boy will ever have to contemplate whether or not to keep going if the condom breaks, and the human populous will not have to worry about babies being born addicted to crack.
The shot is so that I don't have to see any more 14 year old pregnant girls on the metro. With their 28 year old mothers. Pushing baby strollers. I'm sick of it.
I also want this evolution thing to speed up a little bit. And if this means sacrificing the wants and desires of people that want to have babies when they are not ready to I am willing to make that decision. And for all the people out there who tell me that I am not qualified to be the judge of anything, much less something I know little to nothing about- that's why I'm making the drug. It will make the decision, not me.
2) A tesserect machine. It doesn't have to be that complicated, but I am sick and tired of traveling places. Can't we come up with some way that will allow me to close my eyes, take a step forward and be where I want to be. Forget about electric cars, teleport me. It would save time, money and energy that we could use (probably to invent my machine.) Imagine a world without roads, a sky without airplanes and a world without as much pollution. We would still need to transport things, but this would be cool.
With these two inventions I will be able to clear up the world of a lot of things it doesn't need. Plus when I invent these I will become insanely rich and won't need to look for a job anymore.
1) A birth control vaccine that will not allow reproduction until the adult is prepared to have a baby. The vaccine will be given at birth and will last for the rest of the adults life. It will become dormant when the adult is able to and wants to have a child, and then will become active again when the adult is not in a role to have more children. It will be administered to both men and women.
The vaccine will judge the worthiness of the adult based on a number of factors: age, income, IQ, attractiveness, maturity and downright worthiness. This pill will be Darwin at his finest. No teenage girl will ever have to remember to take a pill again, no boy will ever have to contemplate whether or not to keep going if the condom breaks, and the human populous will not have to worry about babies being born addicted to crack.
The shot is so that I don't have to see any more 14 year old pregnant girls on the metro. With their 28 year old mothers. Pushing baby strollers. I'm sick of it.
I also want this evolution thing to speed up a little bit. And if this means sacrificing the wants and desires of people that want to have babies when they are not ready to I am willing to make that decision. And for all the people out there who tell me that I am not qualified to be the judge of anything, much less something I know little to nothing about- that's why I'm making the drug. It will make the decision, not me.
2) A tesserect machine. It doesn't have to be that complicated, but I am sick and tired of traveling places. Can't we come up with some way that will allow me to close my eyes, take a step forward and be where I want to be. Forget about electric cars, teleport me. It would save time, money and energy that we could use (probably to invent my machine.) Imagine a world without roads, a sky without airplanes and a world without as much pollution. We would still need to transport things, but this would be cool.
With these two inventions I will be able to clear up the world of a lot of things it doesn't need. Plus when I invent these I will become insanely rich and won't need to look for a job anymore.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Fixing the World Series
As I sit in my current state of manhood I have the very high privilege to be able to look back on about a decade and a half of good, quality sports memories. From the day I realized that I was interested in becoming a real man (about the age of seven, where my sports memories start) I can remember where I was when certain events happened in the sports world. These are memories that will stay with me for the rest of my life, and I will tell my kids and my great grand kids where I was when it happened.
My first sport memory was in the early nineties, when I was playing with my blocks in front of the TV set and highlights of Michael Jordan winning his first NBA title came on. After that I can remember Jordan beating Charles Barkley to get his third title and then his retirement. I can remember the kicked ball game that Nebraska and Baylor played in 1997. I can remember where I was for "the shot". I can remember where I was for every Super Bowl dating back at least to 1998. I can remember sitting on my couch to watch Mark McGwire hit a bullet over the left field wall to break the homerun record. I can remember watching on a TV in middle school when Bryce Drew hit his buzzer beater that put Valpo into the second round. I remember the couch I was on in high school when Carolina won their national championship, and I remember just how drunk I got for the Colts dismal win over the Bears in Super Bowl XLI.
I even have memories of where I was when sports events happened, when I didn't see them. Specifically Jordan's first game back from retirement (I had a soccer game) and the Colts comeback against the Patriots in the AFC championship game early in 2007 ( 21-3 down when I got on a plane in Atlanta, 38-34 up when I got off in DC).
This brings me to the main point of this entry. My greatest sports memory of all time was watching game seven of the greatest World Series of all time. I was actually staying on a family vacation in the Grand Canyon when Luis Gonzales fisted a cut fast ball over Derek Jeter's head and Jay Bell jumped into Matt Williams' arms. The next day we were back in Phoenix. I had rooted for the Diamond Backs since they had signed Randy Johnson (my favorite player growing up) the year before. I had also hated the Yankees all of my life so this was a win-win for me.
Since the 2001 World Series baseball's fall classic has pretty much been a downer for me, with a few exceptions. In 2002 the World Series did go to 7 games, but it was two teams that no one outside of California cared about, and was bound to be a downer after the previous season. Since then only one World Series has been more than 5 games. The Boston Red Sox managed to win their first World Series in 10000 years and still managed to make the Series boring beyond belief. The ALCS was very exciting, probably every bit as good as the 2001 World Series, but after that the drama went downhill fast.
The teams in the World Series also are not teams I care about. Since 200o there has not been a single World Series with two major market teams in it (and I'm not sure that counts since it was a New York subway series). Considering New York, LA, Chicago, Dallas, Philadelphia, Houston, Miami, DC, Atlanta, and Boston to be the 10 largest sports markets (and some error needs to be considered depending on which sport we are talking about) since 2000 only the Series between the Marlins and the Yankees has put two teams from these markets against each other. And sine the Marlins had one of the three lowest attendance records in the NL that year we can assume that South Florida didn't really care about their team all that much.
A quick series with teams from small markets guarantees less drama and less popularity for the sport. You want to make baseball more exciting, take care of one or both of these problems.
Since 2000 the NBA has had two championship series without a team in one of these markets but one went six games and the other went seven. Four of these series have had both teams from large markets. In fact since David Stern took over as commissioner there have been three series in all that didn't have at least one team, and fourteen with both. I will concede that the NBA has two great advantages over the MLB- mainly the way the league is cut in half always makes sure that an Eastern team plays a Western team, and the fact that it is easier to make superstars in a five on five sport than in baseball. However this does not excuse Bud Selig from doing his job.
Bud's two biggest moments as commissioner have come from steroids, a strike, declaring an All-Star game a tie and delaying game five of this year's World Series because of weather. David's biggest concerns have been referee's betting on games, players fighting with the fans, player conduct, a lockout, a new ball, the Olympic team's dismal performance in 2004 and a multitude of other things.
And yet basketball is still becoming more and more popular while baseball decreases.
So Bud, step up and take one for the team. Do whatever it takes to get excitement back into baseball. You could have done so much better this year- you had so many great potential World Series matchups. You really had to try to screw this up. Other than your own Brewers there wasn't a team in the final NL four that was from a small market. The Cubs would have been favorites to win and Manny could have carried the Dodgers. No one would have questioned the results, and neither team would have had to beat great odds to win. In the American League, Tampa was the only team not from a large market. The White Sox were riding a winning streak, Boston is Boston, and Anaheim had the best record in the game. Any of those matchups would have been great. Your ultimate would have been Boston playing LA. Manny back in Beantown, America's favorite baseball team playing on both coasts of the country, there would have been everything going right for this Series. FOX even owns the Dodgers, they would have been happy to skew the coverage so no one expected anything.
You still could have saved yourself after you chose the final two teams. We baseball fans appreciate the feel-good Rays and the fact that Philly has a chance to win its first title for the city in 25 years. The drama was still there. But you have to make it last longer. After the Rays came back to tie game five and save your ass from any more hot water, they needed to win the conclusion of that game, maybe even having Brad Lidge blow his first save all year. Then they need to win, preferably in a blow out in game six, in order to set up the wildly elusive World Series game seven.
So Bud, I implore you, try harder next year. Get the Red Sox and Yankees both back into the playoffs. Those two are really your only viable rivalry right now. Plus Manny is going to do you a favor in the off season and sign with the Yankees. Let the White Sox win the Central and have the Angels win the West. In the National League- let the Mets win the East, the Cubs win the Central and the Dodgers the West. You can even let your beloved Phillies get in with the Wild Card. There Bud, I've set it up so you can't fail. Just remember to let the series go at least six, preferably seven games. It's what David would do. No one questions whether or not you fixed games as long as it's entertaining.
Do whats' best for baseball.
My first sport memory was in the early nineties, when I was playing with my blocks in front of the TV set and highlights of Michael Jordan winning his first NBA title came on. After that I can remember Jordan beating Charles Barkley to get his third title and then his retirement. I can remember the kicked ball game that Nebraska and Baylor played in 1997. I can remember where I was for "the shot". I can remember where I was for every Super Bowl dating back at least to 1998. I can remember sitting on my couch to watch Mark McGwire hit a bullet over the left field wall to break the homerun record. I can remember watching on a TV in middle school when Bryce Drew hit his buzzer beater that put Valpo into the second round. I remember the couch I was on in high school when Carolina won their national championship, and I remember just how drunk I got for the Colts dismal win over the Bears in Super Bowl XLI.
I even have memories of where I was when sports events happened, when I didn't see them. Specifically Jordan's first game back from retirement (I had a soccer game) and the Colts comeback against the Patriots in the AFC championship game early in 2007 ( 21-3 down when I got on a plane in Atlanta, 38-34 up when I got off in DC).
This brings me to the main point of this entry. My greatest sports memory of all time was watching game seven of the greatest World Series of all time. I was actually staying on a family vacation in the Grand Canyon when Luis Gonzales fisted a cut fast ball over Derek Jeter's head and Jay Bell jumped into Matt Williams' arms. The next day we were back in Phoenix. I had rooted for the Diamond Backs since they had signed Randy Johnson (my favorite player growing up) the year before. I had also hated the Yankees all of my life so this was a win-win for me.
Since the 2001 World Series baseball's fall classic has pretty much been a downer for me, with a few exceptions. In 2002 the World Series did go to 7 games, but it was two teams that no one outside of California cared about, and was bound to be a downer after the previous season. Since then only one World Series has been more than 5 games. The Boston Red Sox managed to win their first World Series in 10000 years and still managed to make the Series boring beyond belief. The ALCS was very exciting, probably every bit as good as the 2001 World Series, but after that the drama went downhill fast.
The teams in the World Series also are not teams I care about. Since 200o there has not been a single World Series with two major market teams in it (and I'm not sure that counts since it was a New York subway series). Considering New York, LA, Chicago, Dallas, Philadelphia, Houston, Miami, DC, Atlanta, and Boston to be the 10 largest sports markets (and some error needs to be considered depending on which sport we are talking about) since 2000 only the Series between the Marlins and the Yankees has put two teams from these markets against each other. And sine the Marlins had one of the three lowest attendance records in the NL that year we can assume that South Florida didn't really care about their team all that much.
A quick series with teams from small markets guarantees less drama and less popularity for the sport. You want to make baseball more exciting, take care of one or both of these problems.
Since 2000 the NBA has had two championship series without a team in one of these markets but one went six games and the other went seven. Four of these series have had both teams from large markets. In fact since David Stern took over as commissioner there have been three series in all that didn't have at least one team, and fourteen with both. I will concede that the NBA has two great advantages over the MLB- mainly the way the league is cut in half always makes sure that an Eastern team plays a Western team, and the fact that it is easier to make superstars in a five on five sport than in baseball. However this does not excuse Bud Selig from doing his job.
Bud's two biggest moments as commissioner have come from steroids, a strike, declaring an All-Star game a tie and delaying game five of this year's World Series because of weather. David's biggest concerns have been referee's betting on games, players fighting with the fans, player conduct, a lockout, a new ball, the Olympic team's dismal performance in 2004 and a multitude of other things.
And yet basketball is still becoming more and more popular while baseball decreases.
So Bud, step up and take one for the team. Do whatever it takes to get excitement back into baseball. You could have done so much better this year- you had so many great potential World Series matchups. You really had to try to screw this up. Other than your own Brewers there wasn't a team in the final NL four that was from a small market. The Cubs would have been favorites to win and Manny could have carried the Dodgers. No one would have questioned the results, and neither team would have had to beat great odds to win. In the American League, Tampa was the only team not from a large market. The White Sox were riding a winning streak, Boston is Boston, and Anaheim had the best record in the game. Any of those matchups would have been great. Your ultimate would have been Boston playing LA. Manny back in Beantown, America's favorite baseball team playing on both coasts of the country, there would have been everything going right for this Series. FOX even owns the Dodgers, they would have been happy to skew the coverage so no one expected anything.
You still could have saved yourself after you chose the final two teams. We baseball fans appreciate the feel-good Rays and the fact that Philly has a chance to win its first title for the city in 25 years. The drama was still there. But you have to make it last longer. After the Rays came back to tie game five and save your ass from any more hot water, they needed to win the conclusion of that game, maybe even having Brad Lidge blow his first save all year. Then they need to win, preferably in a blow out in game six, in order to set up the wildly elusive World Series game seven.
So Bud, I implore you, try harder next year. Get the Red Sox and Yankees both back into the playoffs. Those two are really your only viable rivalry right now. Plus Manny is going to do you a favor in the off season and sign with the Yankees. Let the White Sox win the Central and have the Angels win the West. In the National League- let the Mets win the East, the Cubs win the Central and the Dodgers the West. You can even let your beloved Phillies get in with the Wild Card. There Bud, I've set it up so you can't fail. Just remember to let the series go at least six, preferably seven games. It's what David would do. No one questions whether or not you fixed games as long as it's entertaining.
Do whats' best for baseball.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Things to do other than...
So if I cant get a job in the foreseeable future I do have some alternatives lined up. They either make me money, or cost me little to no money. My eventual goal is of course to get a big kid 
job, but until then I might as well live life to the fullest instead of sitting around in my parents basement all day.
1) Become a substitute teacher. I may be just a tad naive about this, but I do have a major god complex. I could make some very easy money ($115 a day in a local county). The only downturn is that I would have to deal with kids (which I hate) and go to school (see previous parenthetical statement). But I could do it everyday, and considering my cost of living is pretty much zero, it would put money in my pocket.
2) Donate sperm. You laugh, but of all the things that I have applied to do only the sperm people have gotten back to me with a positive response. I have actually passed the part that 80% of all applicants fail. Being tall, athletic, educated and rather good looking gives me a decent shot, and it pays 100-500 a week. And all I have to do is jack off into a cup. That would make me feel better about myself.
3) Be a volunteer firefighter. There are numerous reasons that this would be a good idea. The first is that it would look good on my resume. Short of goal number four there are not too many things that I can do that look cool and constitute something that might help me in my future career. The best part is- its hardly dangerous at all. Yes I know the whole "playing with fire" expression, but they don't call the volunteers for the really dangerous blazes. The second good reason to do this is that chicks would dig it. Come on girls, ask me what I do for a living. That's right, I'm a real life fireman. I might even get a tattoo with my ladder company's name on it.
4) Study to become a Mensa genius. How can you not get a job when you are a card carrying genius. Again, I would do it for the resume and the chicks. This one would be a little bit more difficult because of all the trivia that I would have to learn, but the ego in me says that I could do it in about a month.
5) Join a boxing gym. Again, I'm 6'5" 230 pounds and like violence. Who doesn't? I'm sure that I would get knocked around a little bit, but you don't get paid by the round. It's good money, and if you fight long enough you make good on your local investment. I looked into it awhile back and their was a gym in Chesapeake Beach that would take me. The coach's name was something ridiculous too- I want to say 'pookie', or 'twinkie' but don't quote me on that. So that would be a lot of fun. Plus all I have on my hands is time, and I might use that time to make me look real good.
6) Officer Candidate School. This is strictly a threat, because I think the gf would kill me. I really don't think I would mind OCS but I'm not sure what I would do with it afterwards. My best bet would be to get the Navy to pay for some type of grad school and then start a career in it (for example- law school and become a JAG officer), but see the next idea before you get too far into that.
7) Grad School. I hate school. I don't want to go back. I'm sure I could do law school, but I don't want to work that hard. Most other forms of school I would have to pay for, and I think they would just be a waste of time. The exception to this is any form of school anyone else would pay for. If it's not costing me any money, then why not, plus if someone is paying for it they would probably employ me later. I might be tempted to take a Grad Assistant coaching job, but I doubt it.
8) Hike the Appalachian trail. No joke I am going to do this. I want to hike the three longest trails in America, and I am young and would not miss out on six months of work. It's close enough that my friends could visit me on weekends, I have most of the equipment already, and hey, why not? I think this would be fun, and I could scratch it off of my bucket list, which I guess I should blog about at some point because I really don't have a lot to talk about except things I don't like and things I don't understand. March 13th is the cast off date, in case any of you other down and outs want to join me. It's a Friday, just the perfect day to start a 2,000 mile hike into the wilderness.
These are the things that I am threatening to do, including make that new blog post, and I will do them if I become desperate enough. No you can't talk me out of it- unless of course you are willing to offer me a big kid job.
job, but until then I might as well live life to the fullest instead of sitting around in my parents basement all day.1) Become a substitute teacher. I may be just a tad naive about this, but I do have a major god complex. I could make some very easy money ($115 a day in a local county). The only downturn is that I would have to deal with kids (which I hate) and go to school (see previous parenthetical statement). But I could do it everyday, and considering my cost of living is pretty much zero, it would put money in my pocket.
2) Donate sperm. You laugh, but of all the things that I have applied to do only the sperm people have gotten back to me with a positive response. I have actually passed the part that 80% of all applicants fail. Being tall, athletic, educated and rather good looking gives me a decent shot, and it pays 100-500 a week. And all I have to do is jack off into a cup. That would make me feel better about myself.
3) Be a volunteer firefighter. There are numerous reasons that this would be a good idea. The first is that it would look good on my resume. Short of goal number four there are not too many things that I can do that look cool and constitute something that might help me in my future career. The best part is- its hardly dangerous at all. Yes I know the whole "playing with fire" expression, but they don't call the volunteers for the really dangerous blazes. The second good reason to do this is that chicks would dig it. Come on girls, ask me what I do for a living. That's right, I'm a real life fireman. I might even get a tattoo with my ladder company's name on it.
4) Study to become a Mensa genius. How can you not get a job when you are a card carrying genius. Again, I would do it for the resume and the chicks. This one would be a little bit more difficult because of all the trivia that I would have to learn, but the ego in me says that I could do it in about a month.
5) Join a boxing gym. Again, I'm 6'5" 230 pounds and like violence. Who doesn't? I'm sure that I would get knocked around a little bit, but you don't get paid by the round. It's good money, and if you fight long enough you make good on your local investment. I looked into it awhile back and their was a gym in Chesapeake Beach that would take me. The coach's name was something ridiculous too- I want to say 'pookie', or 'twinkie' but don't quote me on that. So that would be a lot of fun. Plus all I have on my hands is time, and I might use that time to make me look real good.
6) Officer Candidate School. This is strictly a threat, because I think the gf would kill me. I really don't think I would mind OCS but I'm not sure what I would do with it afterwards. My best bet would be to get the Navy to pay for some type of grad school and then start a career in it (for example- law school and become a JAG officer), but see the next idea before you get too far into that.
7) Grad School. I hate school. I don't want to go back. I'm sure I could do law school, but I don't want to work that hard. Most other forms of school I would have to pay for, and I think they would just be a waste of time. The exception to this is any form of school anyone else would pay for. If it's not costing me any money, then why not, plus if someone is paying for it they would probably employ me later. I might be tempted to take a Grad Assistant coaching job, but I doubt it.
8) Hike the Appalachian trail. No joke I am going to do this. I want to hike the three longest trails in America, and I am young and would not miss out on six months of work. It's close enough that my friends could visit me on weekends, I have most of the equipment already, and hey, why not? I think this would be fun, and I could scratch it off of my bucket list, which I guess I should blog about at some point because I really don't have a lot to talk about except things I don't like and things I don't understand. March 13th is the cast off date, in case any of you other down and outs want to join me. It's a Friday, just the perfect day to start a 2,000 mile hike into the wilderness.
These are the things that I am threatening to do, including make that new blog post, and I will do them if I become desperate enough. No you can't talk me out of it- unless of course you are willing to offer me a big kid job.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Intro
I do not pretend to be God's gift to anything, however I would like to think that he has not cursed the world with my presence. While I have knowledge about a great many things that makes one a man I cannot pretend to be an expert at anything.
I write in this blog to convey my opinions about a great many things. It allows me to get things off my chest and also to receive any feedback that you, my reader(s) may like to leave.
I have low personnel expectations for my efforts here.
There are others on this blog, other contemporaries that will leave posts on occasion. They may be more expertly opinionated on things than I am, they may have different opinions. They may even be more well liked. None of these things will deter my creation of this blog.
As you have read by the description we view ourselves as a genre of pre-middle age post college men that have nothing to hang our hats on and are not proud of it. We are motivated by our desire to make a name for ourselves and we like to talk about things that make us feel better about who we are. So if you do happen upon this blog in the future you will probably read about women, alcohol, jobs, apartments, cars, and other things that signify us boys growing up.
I write in this blog to convey my opinions about a great many things. It allows me to get things off my chest and also to receive any feedback that you, my reader(s) may like to leave.
I have low personnel expectations for my efforts here.
There are others on this blog, other contemporaries that will leave posts on occasion. They may be more expertly opinionated on things than I am, they may have different opinions. They may even be more well liked. None of these things will deter my creation of this blog.
As you have read by the description we view ourselves as a genre of pre-middle age post college men that have nothing to hang our hats on and are not proud of it. We are motivated by our desire to make a name for ourselves and we like to talk about things that make us feel better about who we are. So if you do happen upon this blog in the future you will probably read about women, alcohol, jobs, apartments, cars, and other things that signify us boys growing up.
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